I stood there in line, nervous and shaking from the inside out. As I got closer and closer to the confessional my heart pounded a little louder, my feet feeling heavier and heavier. “What is going on?” I thought to myself. I’m usually never nervous to go to confession. Perhaps it was because my typical confessor was not there, and I was going to a new priest. Perhaps. I couldn’t quite reconcile why I felt so bad, nervous, and shaky.
The line seemed to take forever. The longer I sat and waited for my turn in the confessional, the more sins I remembered. By the time I was next up, I had been waiting in line over one hour and I had an entire paper filled with sins front and back. (Yes, I’m one of those who writes my confession down then rips it to shreds immediately afterward-its cathartic and I recommend trying it) With my paper in hand, as I was ready to enter the confessional, a little voice in my head told me to “RUN AWAY” and I almost considered doing so, but instead I walked into the little box.
I call it a box because the confessional at our parish is small and traditional. There is a kneeler against a wall with a small screen on the lay person’s side and I imagine the priest’s side isn’t much larger. I begin, “Forgive me father for I have sinned, it has been six weeks since my last confession “Six weeks?” I think to myself because I am fairly certain my priest had asked me to go monthly. Did I really forget to go to confession in April? Great, add it to the list.. ” I list off my sins one by one but before I do, I make a plea for understanding as I “don’t feel myself today”. I don’t know why I do this but it just comes out. After spewing on, what seems like an eternity, and feeling like I’ve just made the dumbest confession ever, the priest stops and smiles. (At least that’s what it sounds like through the screen)
He says, “What a wonderful confession, I can tell by your thorough examination that you have a beautiful relationship with God!”
“Hmm” I think, “Do I? I’m not sure”
He continued on, and what he said shook me to my toes, so this is why I write it here today.
Among many other beautiful things, that perhaps one day I will endeavor to share, he finally said:
“Remember You have only to say YES if you want to step into God’s UNLIMITED plan for your life. That’s all it takes, a simple yes. Say yes to God and you will begin to UNFOLD this UNLIMITED plan. Remember, even the Angel Gabriel waited for Mary’s Fiat, her yes, before he disappeared”
At this my heart skipped a beat. I felt the hairs on my neck stand up and it was as if my spirit vibrated within me. In a mere moment, I felt my life flash before my eyes, past, present, and future. I saw but a tiny speck of this plan and the fruits of it. I saw the beauty that could be and also the despair if I choose to say no.
At times I have felt this call to be more, do more, and have more. I often brush it off as superficial materialism but my priest’s words reminded me of the source of my longing. The source is GOD! He designed all men to long for Him. To long to be filled up and carry out our unlimited plan he has called and created for a our life. What is my unlimited plan? How will I know? What if I miss the mark?
This morning I write this, because I know sharing this is part of my plan. I don’t know why I’m supposed to share this aspect of my life but I know I must. I know I must say yes to this. At least today, at least right now. Now is all I have.
I must say yes right now, today, and always. What could God possibly have in store for me today?
What about you? What is YOUR unlimited plan?
Praying for your health and wellbeing,